It's gonna be a good day just wait and see...

I keep trying to remind myself of that. It get's hard to do that somedays. Well let me tell you about my day. Today I woke up was feeling fine and then all of a sudden I just cried and cried and cried. Tears flowed like Niagra Falls I couldn't stop them. I miss Watertown a lot. I realize that if I went back I'd have to be closeted. That's never really bothered me until now. I complain about not having a boyfriend but in Watertown I'd never have one. I don't think I could live like that. I must say if there was a good paying job I'd move back in a heartbeat though. I should have stayed in Watertown after graduation and just went to Lake Area. I think I would be a lot happier. But who really knows. I almost quit today. I'm very happy my supervisor wasn't there today had she been she would've asked me how I was, and I would have lost it. Like my good friend Barry said. I've nothing to fall back on. Once at work I was fine. There's always going to be ups and downs with a job. So I have to tell myself to deal with it. I don't know why but I always get scared before going to work. Once at work it's all fine. By the way I'm very lucky to have the job still. I've called in 3 times in the last 3 weeks. It's horrible and like Barry said feeling guilty is only adding feelings to my plate which is already full. I must admit that kind of made me pissy but he's right. Him and Tom only want me to succeed and not sabotage myself. I appreciate all they done for me by being my "online friends". They'll never know how much they've helped me. I talked to my mom's friend Tina today at work. She helped me get the job. I thank her for that. I told her how I felt today. I'm working tomorrow ot from 1130-230 and then we both get off at the same time so we're going to do a late lunch. She's going to have a heart to heart with me. Which is good she's like my substitue me-maw as she calls my mom. It'll be good to talk about it. For now I'm not going to give up. I'm flying on my own and I've learned a lot. I don't want to throw all that away. Sometimes it's scary and sometimes freedom sucks but it's part of life. Perhaps someday I can move back to Watertown and be comfortable. For right now I've got to do what I have to do. I have to live. It's gonna be all right, no matter what they say It's gonna be a good day, just wait and see It's gonna be okay, cause I'm okay with me It's gonna be, it's gonna be, it's gotta be.... Thanks Jewel hehe